Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
