Whod you bang
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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