plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
