from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
