We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
