oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i love accidental penises.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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