I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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