If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
