very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
