Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
