My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
