ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
