She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she pinky promised me she was 18
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
