3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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