My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
