the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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