I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
not ubering you a puppy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
