I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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