Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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