there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have already put on my inside pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
