We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
