I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
