She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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