the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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