Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
