I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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