i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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