Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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