Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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