I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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