Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
