The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
sarcasm needs its own font
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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