you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Green mimosas i think yes
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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