Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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