i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
