my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
