Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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