the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
