your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
