why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My vagina just clenched in fear
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
