sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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