Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
