doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
