Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
someone get that fucking seahorse.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
