You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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