I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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