I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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