Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
