"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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