My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
