eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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