she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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