hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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