i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
