There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
