remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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