there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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