Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
