I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
