Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
