forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
