I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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